I just fell. In the bathroom. I went to go pee. And as I sat down. I wasn't aimed quite right. At the toilet. Because I hadn't finished my coffee yet. So, I couldn't really process information. So, I ended up kind of wedged. In between the toilet and the sink. It's fine. Because it … Continue reading Late to the DeFo Special Party
I feel like maybe I misled y’all. When I posted this pic And captioned it with some whining about injuring my knee. So now y’all sending me caring hearts and sad faces and speedy recovery wishes and “awww baby girls.” And I appreciate all of it. The attention. Because me. But I mean. Y’all understand … Continue reading The Pain Collective
“Should we be worried about the wind?” There are probably a lot of things we should be worried about, BB. We do enough dumb shit. That running through the outer remnants of a hurricane seems like child’s play. Except also this route is definitely not child’s play. Basically, how this works, is Beautiful Beastie gets … Continue reading The DeFo Special
So the mushrooms were definitely not chanterelles. As evidenced by the time I spent cuddling my toilet this afternoon. See, what had happened was, last year. At Iron Mountain. Or maybe it was Pilot Mountain to Hanging Rock. Or maybe both. LeBBQ stopped in the middle of an ultra. Picked a bunch of wild mushrooms. … Continue reading I Hate Water. I Love Water Sports.
“Que haces hoy? Trabajando?” That’s what the Mexican restaurant dude asked me. As he handed me my food. After glancing down at my feet. Nope. Como se dice I’m just gross. “Ok. You go have a nice day.” I should note that this was the same restaurant where, a few years ago, I confused and … Continue reading Cove Mountain Struggle
So here’s what happens when I. An unabashed attention seeking Leo. Requests to skip her birthday. It confuses people. Like, they don’t know what to do with their hands. Because last year. I made sure folks knew. They had a one week lead in to my birthday. To prepare. To do this. (Damn, I miss … Continue reading Birthday Boycott
So, I’m not alone, right? Things have just gone to shit for everyone, right? I missed my own birthday party this weekend. I mean, I didn’t know it was my birthday party. When I missed it. But it was. And I did. I had reasons. Fully legit reasons. But mostly, everything has just spiraled out … Continue reading Major Life Choice Waivers
I was six years old when my mother taught me to suck in my stomach. Well, she didn’t so much teach me as just tell me. And I can’t be real certain about the age at which this happened. Or the way in which she said it. Or even if it ever actually happened at … Continue reading Pandemic or Menopause?
Do you know the name of the Pennsylvania town where the American version of “The Office” is set? If you’ve ever watched even one episode, you probably do. I’ve watched all of them. Hundreds of times. Which is what I said to John Krasinski in my dream. Repeatedly. For a solid hour. As I was … Continue reading More Evidence I’m Losing My Mind
“Are you in Rocky Mount?” Yeah. “Come pick me up.” Ok. Lemme see if I can find your house from here. -stop and reroute GPS- “I’m not at home. I’m at Sheetz.” -stop again and reroute GPS again- Ok. “The one in town. Not 220.” Fuck’s sake. Ok. -stop. again. and reroute GPS. again- Now. … Continue reading 40 Acre Beast Route