I went to bed at 8pm last night. Friday night. And still managed to sleep through three alarms this morning. That were intended to get me coffee. Before an unreasonably early cross country meet. I spent an hour debating with myself. Yesterday morning. While playing Solitaire Cash. Because that’s how I self-medicate. When I can’t … Continue reading Brain Camp
9 To 5
I’ve never heard anyone actually tumble out of bed and stumble to the kitchen. Until Aggressive Walker moved in upstairs. I thought Dolly was just exaggerating shit. Like I do. But no. 9 to 5 is a real condition. And my neighbor has it. He falls. A lot. At least three times a day. I’m … Continue reading 9 To 5
Colds Are No Longer Common
I’m dying. “You’re not dying.” It feels like I’m dying. This is definitely what death feels like. “I doubt that death feels like that.” I finally understand what men have been experiencing for thousands of years. I called in sick to work. It was supposed to be a mental health day. Because even though we’ve … Continue reading Colds Are No Longer Common
Aggressive Walkers
I've got new neighbors upstairs. I tried to tell Ghost the story this morning. About my new neighbors. But he interrupted me. So he doesn't get to hear the story. Or any stories now. For a suitable story quarantine period. Leo does not like to be interrupted. But I do need to tell the story. … Continue reading Aggressive Walkers
Poison Response
My apologies to the people I’ve ignored this weekend. I’ve spent most of it in a Benadryl-fueled haze of calamine lotion and poison ivy google searches. Which. Probably don’t ever start googling things that have the word rash in them. There are images you can’t unsee. I just put Godiva chocolate liqueur in my coffee … Continue reading Poison Response
Working Out With My Gram Grams
I’d like to talk to someone about getting a punch card, please. “Ok. I can help you with that. What questions do you have?” …I would like to know if I can get a punch card, please? “Oh. Yeah. Sure. People just usually have questions about how the punch card works.” I mean…I come to … Continue reading Working Out With My Gram Grams
That Time I Accidentally Ran 22 Miles
“Oh, you’ve got this nice gymnasium floor.” And I do. It is cool. But dude works here. And I was probably the fifth gymnasium apartment he’d visited. The floor was not a new experience for him. The problem was. I forgot that maintenance was coming through to check the sprinklers. And I’m currently unemployed. So … Continue reading That Time I Accidentally Ran 22 Miles
How My Gyms Are Failing Me
“Ok! Here’s the workout! Sunshine! Put your phone down!” It’s work. I need to respond to this. “Put it down. Now.” Just. I just have to answer this question for them real quick. “Do any of your other five gyms let you use your phone during workouts?” I mean, I sit the phone right beside … Continue reading How My Gyms Are Failing Me
Its Called Supplementing
I’ve been told that I’m not allowed to complain. Or whine. About being sore. I was also accused of cheating. Which is absurd. Because I do not have the energy or motivation required to cheat. I’m not known for managing even one man’s drama. I sure as fuck ain’t tryin to manage two. Or more. … Continue reading Its Called Supplementing
They Say It’s Good Luck
Apparently if I don’t write about things. People don’t believe they actually happened. So, I got shit on by a bird. Tuesday. At yoga. I was there at rooftop yoga. Which is generally cool. Because you can see the mountains surrounding the bowl that is Roanoke. From up on top of Center in the Square. … Continue reading They Say It’s Good Luck
