Taper Week

It’s taper week for those of us running Blue Ridge this weekend.

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You’re supposed to follow certain procedures during taper week.

I’ve never really trained for a race before, so I haven’t paid a whole lot of attention to the rules of taper week. I have a sort of vague understanding of things.

You’re supposed to reduce your mileage this week. Not sure by how much. So, I’m really just interpreting that as “sit comfortably on the couch in sweats as you carb load.”

And yes, you’re supposed to carb load. This is easy. Carbs are a natural part of my diet. Psht. Doritos, right? Doritos are jam packed with carbohydrates, because potato chips are made from potatoes which are nothing but carbs, obviously. So, I’ve got that covered. (Wait. Doritos … tortilla chips … dammit. Any chance tortillas are made from potatoes? I feel like the Mexican in me should know this.)

And you’re supposed to hydrate. Because if you’re not hydrated, you could cramp up in the middle of the race and dear gracious no one wants that. So, again, beer, right? Plus, beer is filled with carbs, so it’s ok that my Doritos are probably not actually a solid source of carbs.

Plenty of rest. Again, couch sweats.

I’m a freakin taper genius.

And I haven’t seen this anywhere, but I feel like the week should be filled with inspiring stories of overcoming challenge and discomfort. You know, get the psychology on point.  There will be a marathon Harry Potter viewing, cause ain’t no one overcome challenge like that poor kid. And what better way to kick off inspiration taper week than with rewatching Des Linden win the Boston Marathon and her post-race interview where she talks about almost dropping out by the porta potties. (Cause if you’re gonna drop out, it’s probably gonna happen around the porta potties. Those are just sad places.)

Seriously. This chick.

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Beast.

So, to accomplish that, I’m gonna do this all week.

I’m all over this taper thing.

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