I’m sitting here moving ice packs between my knees and Achilles every 20 minutes.
Because I missed a Dr. Rich appointment last week.
And apparently one week is all it takes to lose all the magic.
Nothing below my waist bends anymore.
Doc says the issue is that my ankle locks up. So I have to yank on it every morning to unlock it.
Not sure why I have to break into my own body like that, but whatevs. I lose my car keys all the time. It’s not really a shock that I’ve lost the keys to my own body. I’m not really sure why God thought I could keep track of those, anyway.
My son says it’s because I keep running.
I started to hobble upstairs to get something for him and he stopped me and told me to just sit back down. It’s not that important.
Smartass Philosophy Minor Son – “Maybe you should stop doing the thing that’s hurting you.”
The Woman That Gave Him Life – “Running Partner says I can run.”
Smartass Philosophy Minor Son – “Is Running Partner a doctor?”
The Woman That Gave Him Life – “The doctor also gave me permission to run.”
Smartass Philosophy Minor Son – “What kind of doctor? Because it’s really like you’re trying to get out of a hole by standing in the hole and continuing to dig.”
Freakin philosophy minor.
Anyway, Running Partner and I did three miles last night. On the greenway. The easiest, if not most boring, stretch of flat ever created outside of the state of Indiana. And it sucked.
And not because it was flat.
Flat is what’s supposed to keep my Achilles happy.
Strava says there was 42 feet of elevation gain on that run.
My Achilles said there was more like 4,200 feet.
So, today I decided to try a strength intervals run. I haven’t done one of those in a while because my Shine Runners are slacking. GJB, specifically. And it was during my second set of push-ups and squats only half a mile into my run that I was confronted with the harsh reality of just how out of shape I am.
I’m practically a sloth now.
And my clothes don’t fit anymore.
And I can’t break a 9 1/2 minute mile anymore.
And I’m almost ready to just say screw it and find a new hobby.
Except that I’ve been selected to be an ambassador for the Martinsville Half Marathon on March 30th.
That alone means that I need to at least get my stamina built up enough to manage 13 miles again.
But the process of applying to be an ambassador has ignited GJB’s competitive side. He’s an ambassador, too. Though obviously not as impressive an ambassador as I. People just like me more. But now he feels all threatened and has turned this entire thing into a competition and so he has declared the Martinsville Half Marathon the Sunshine/GJB Lifetime Championship race.
And I. Can’t. Lose.
Not to him.
Have you met him? He’d be impossible to live with. I can’t put his dear, sweet wife through that. (I mean, the chick ran the Richmond Half with, like, broken ribs or something, so she can handle him. But still, she shouldn’t have to.)
And it’s possible I’ve trash-talked myself into doing burpees before and after the race.
Sooooo there’s that.
Someone needs to take the social medias away from me.
If I keep clicking interested on events like the 32-mile Catawba run next month that the local Female Master’s Dominatrix wants to do for her birthday, Running Partner will probably figure out how to block me from my social medias. He has that power.
Running Partner is finally buying in to my whole ‘add my previous week underage miles to the current week mileage limit’ theory.
He asked how far I wanted to run this weekend. I said 8. Then 10. I was on the verge of suggesting 12 when Running Partner agreed to 8 (or maybe 10? I’m not sure. Texting is hard.).
I haven’t run more than 5 consecutive miles since the Star City Half.
I’m certain that it’s gonna suck.
But I’m more certain that losing to GJB in March would suck more.
And I’m going to claim every single one of you that reads this and signs up for the Martinsville Half Marathon by clicking here as my referral. Use Discount Code SUNSHINE25 by February 15th, and you’ll get a 25% discount. Because I need to beat GJB in number of referrals, too.