I’m A Struggle

I may have just asked a random stranger if I could try her glasses on. And possibly if I could have her prescription.

She responded with, “Bless your heart, honey can you not see very well? Are you ok? Do you need someone to drive you home?”

No. No I’m not ok. And also, I can see just fine. Except at night. While driving. Particularly in the rain. I’m really kind of a hazard.

And plus yes. Could you drive me home? I’m so tired…

Look, I just wanna know if I can use your prescription to order the online glasses that won’t mean that I have to sell a kidney or skip paying my car insurance next month.

This is what my life has become.

I’ve already hit up most of my fellow female runner chicks.

So far, KRD is closest. I almost just kept hers when she let me try them. I like them. But I think she could take me. So I gave them back.

My counterpart at school, my other work half, my sweet confidant and counselor, laughed at me yesterday. And then gave me “bless your heart” eyes.

She didn’t actually say bless your heart. Because she’s a Yankee. Like me. We don’t say things like that.

But she was giving me the Yankee version. Which is a look. We don’t like to verbalize condescension up North.

She asked why my straw was upside down in my coffee cup.

*blank stare*

“You know, because that little piece there is designed to keep the straw from falling out of your cup.”

*processing*

Sooooo, yeah. Ok. Yeah, I knew that. I probably wasn’t putting it in that way to keep the straw from … falling down into the cup…

“But … you know that the straw is actually bigger than the cup. Right? It’s not … physically possible for it to fall down inside … ?”

No, I know. I … see that now.

That … it makes total sense.

Running Partner tried to explain this to me a few months ago. But I certainly wasn’t going to let him win that argument.

I know things.

I’m grown.

In preparing to start a group of kids testing this morning, I sat my coffee cup down somewhere. And then forgot where. And I couldn’t see it.

The panic was real when I desperately asked where my coffee was.

Even the students were scared for a moment.

I like to think they were experiencing an empathetic response to my situation. And not that they know me and feared being held hostage until my coffee was found.

It was hiding behind a computer monitor.

They were quick to point me to it.

No, no. Everything’s fine. We’re all gonna be ok. Let’s test.

The counseling intern brought Krispy Kremes in this morning. Two boxes. Which he carried around aimlessly for several minutes while he interacted with people.

So, obviously I had to hover. Until he figured out how to put the boxes down. Because he’s, like, 10 feet tall. And a linebacker. And I couldn’t just reach to take one out of his hands.

Honestly, though. Who taunts people like that? On a Friday morning? In a high school?

Life is hard enough. You know?

I don’t currently know where my calendar is. The one that tells me which job to go to on which days.

I think I left it at one of my jobs.

Hard to say which one.

Probably not either of the online jobs.

I really need my employers to start creating work events for me on Facebook. Then I could click interested. And maybe even going if I really felt like being there that day. Unless it conflicts with a run or magical Erica Austin yoga. Then I definitely can’t go. To work. But I’ll be sure to heart the event.

At any rate, if you need me, I’ll be taking an online vision exam on my smart phone. Because it’s smarter than me. Running Partner suggested it. Because he’s smarter than me.

And he’s not the same kind of struggle that I am.

I’m special.

2 thoughts on “I’m A Struggle

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