Accidental Two A Day

I had a plan when I woke up this morning.

Leg Day with my Tiny Brazilian before work and Chakra Yoga with my Magical Yogess after.

To get my hip sway back.

Then off to be entertained by GJB. Because someone allowed him to emcee fireworks. Like, free styling words. In front of other people. Who are not his running friends.

It was gonna be ah-mazing.

But once I got to work after fueling up with Fall Risk and Chatty Waitress, things kind of just fell apart.

Because I’d asked people to just shhhhh for the rest of the day, right?

But I work with struggling populations. And so sometimes the drama level in the office hits defcon 4. And I won’t go into any details because I certainly don’t want my blog to be called into testify should the courts get involved. Because while I have full confidence that she could handle herself on the stand, I’m concerned that they’d make me go with her and we all know how that judges hate awkward nonsensical ramblers…

So when drama is at defcon 4, people get suuuuuper chatty.

At 3:18pm, I finally had to tell the co-worker that I share a cubicle space with that my brain was shutting down for the day.

Please stop talking.

And he did.

No questions asked.

He understands me.

God bless him.

The other thing that happens when drama is at defcon 4 is that your boss is gonna tell y’all to leave early.

And my plan was to stop by PlayFITStayFIT to pay J-Vicious for the month and then head over to relax a bit before magic Chakra Yoga.

My plan was supposed to put me at PlayFITStayFIT well into the middle of the 4pm class so that there was no way I could be added into the class.

Plus I was gonna be wearing my yoga clothes, which don’t involve sneakers.

Definitely not HIIT workout attire.

My plan was brilliant.

No. Just saying “I’m not working out again today” was not an option. Don’t give me suggestions like that.

And so my boss kicking me out of work early changed my timetable a bit.

And so math.

And so I didn’t realize that I was walking in right at the start of the 4pm leg day class.

I don’t look at clocks when I think I have the perfect timetable plan, so stop asking why…

“Sunshine!”

“I’m just here to pay you.”

“Pick up some weights & join us.”

“I’m not wearing shoes.”

“You can do leg day without shoes.”

“I’m on my way to yoga.”

“At 5:30. You’ve got time.”

“But I need time beforehand to get my mind ready”

“Spartan says two-a-days are good.”

Dammit.

I’m pretty sure I shared that in a previous blog post. So I couldn’t discredit it without discrediting myself.

I hate it when he’s smart.

So that’s how I found myself doing back squats in bare feet and yoga pants and a way less supportive sports bra than I prefer for strength training with two other people I don’t know and mischievous J-Vicious. Cursing. Me. I was cursing.

It’s my coping skill.

And it was a “screw your neighbor” workout day. Which apparently requires exactly three people. But now there were four of us. So J-Vicious and I had to be the same person. Which has really got to be the most awkward and annoying human form ever. And I didn’t really fully grasp what we were doing until well into the fourth exercise. And J-Vicious wanted to talk. Because he knows I can’t talk and keep count at the same time. And if you lose count you have to start over. Plus my brain was shut down and it was supposed to be a shhhh day. And we kept arguing because apparently I wasn’t screwing my neighbors enough. Because I’m a kinder, gentler soul than J-Vicious.

So at the end of the workout, J-V throws a heavy bag at me to hold during the six minute wall sit. You know? Like a punching bag? Like a really heavy punching bag?

I mean, it took me a good two minutes just to maneuver it up onto my lap.

And then another two minutes to scooch close enough to the weight rack to prop one end of the bag on there to help support the weight.

So by the time we were done, I was struggling to stand. Or walk. Or drive a stick shift.

Thankfully beautiful Roanoke Yoga was focusing on the sacral chakra in class, so the poses and stretches and luxurious hip openers were the perfect remedy for two-a-day leg day PlayFITStayFIT madness.

She totally made my hips all sway-y again. Or maybe for the first time ever. I’m not sure they ever really had sway before.

I was so fully relaxed and restored coming out of class that I’d almost recovered from the day.

Until I discovered that the drama at home at hit defcon orange. And I won’t go into any details because I certainly don’t want my blog to be called into testify should the courts get involved. Because while I have full confidence that she could handle herself on the stand, I’m concerned that they’d make me go with her and we all know how that judges hate awkward nonsensical ramblers…

So anyway.

If you need me, I’ll be out here by the Train Museum in my neon green t-shirt keeping Norfolk Ave on lock.

Because someone gave Rogue and I orange flags. And power. And directions that I’m certain we’ll follow.

But hey, Lady MJ. At least no one gave us race bibs.

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