We have one rule for this week. It’s just one. So you should all be able to remember. And follow it.
NO ONE TALKS ABOUT GREECE.
Talk about Fight Club all you want. Just don’t mention Greece.
For this week, we just pretend that place doesn’t even exist.
I’m looking at you, J-Vicious.
He’s looking at friend probation status right now.
He knows what he did.
Because he spent the entire class last night mentioning Greece. And trying to figure out how to pronounce the word gyro. So he could force poor B-Major to have Greek food for dinner.
Just to torment me.
That’s his level of obnoxious.
He never figured it out.
So I’m pretty sure they just had fried chicken instead. Which is all B-Major really wanted, anyway.
But this is what my messenger looks like right now.
Because J-V is a child.
OT was almost back on probation last night, too. He also knows what he did. But he and GJB are my safe space. (As is Rouge. When she’s in country. And not in that G-place we’re not mentioning this week.) So, we’re still cool.
Fall Risk is definitely on probation.
She definitely knows what she did.
I decided that at 5:01 pm last night.
When J Vicious explained the night’s workout. And then told everyone to find a partner. Everyone but me. Because I already had a partner.
And that partner wasn’t Fall Risk.
Because Fall Risk didn’t show.
And everyone in the gym just looked at me sadly. And then laughed.
Because J-V assigned himself as my partner.
And the last person you want to pair with in a PFSF partner workout is J-V.
Because a normal human partner will work at a normal human pace. So you have some rest time between exercises.
J-V is not a normal human.
And he cheats.
So he knocks out 15 reps in the time it takes a normal human (i.e. me) to get through 2.
And then he stands there and judges you. Loudly. While waiting for you to finish your normal human reps.
And he keeps referencing the G-word.
And saying he’s trying to make you better.
But really what’s that helping? Because there are no compatible available men left for you. So who cares if you just let yourself go?
And he makes you use the purple band. Instead of the normal human black one.
And the 25 lb slam ball. Instead of the normal human 20 lb one.
And I swear, his “bear crawls?” They’re actually Gorilla Escaping From Poacher crawls.
Freakishly fast. And ape-like.
And the number of lunges and box jumps and squat jumps and sprints that I was forced to do completely exhausted my legs.
So that by the time I made it over to Gum Spring for the RVTR run up Roanoke Mountain, I was in no way prepared.
Which is ok.
Because GJB informed me that I’m no longer a member.
But at least I showed up. And didn’t just think about showing up. Like some people.
And GJB is lucky I did. Because we had a very deep and insightful conversation about who we are. As people. (I think we may be the actual same person. God bless Lil T. Because I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be married to me. Let alone the male version of me.)
But he pushed me up the mountain anyway. And I was exhausted by the time we made it back to our cars. And I had adulting still to do. And basketball to watch.
And yes, OT. I AM a female.
So no. I didn’t go to Lew’s with the fellas after our run.
Since apparently there was no expectation that I would, anyway.
I’m supposed to be resting.
Because Beautiful Beastie reminded me several times during Body Pump Monday night about the 30 mile run we have planned this weekend.
“No leg day this week, Sunshine.”
Except that this morning my office desk looked like this
And maybe someone was just sitting in my office Watching. And so I couldn’t not eat all of it. At once. Because challenge.
And sometimes think I might want to do something akin to dating again.
So obviously I have to go to leg day today.
But it’s cool.
Because Fall Risk is gonna show today.
So no J-V partnering for me.
And we all remember the one rule for this week, right?