My Next Tattoo

I’m supposed to meet Beautiful Beastie at 9 this morning. For December Endurance Day. Because we feel like that needs to be a thing now.

Not we.

They.

She.

Someone.

Someone feels like that.

It’s raining.

I’ve got coffee.

And a bed.

And my body is still grumbling about yesterday.

So I feel like I need to preface this with a sort of disclaimer.

I don’t intentionally set myself up for random bullshit.

Friday. In the midst of North Mountain pleasantries. GBFF…WHTBS said something about not being bloggable. Like, he doesn’t do or say bloggable shit.

And then random bullshit happened. And he became very bloggable.

“Someday, you’re gonna write: I went for a run today. Nothing remarkable happened. It was nice. The end.”

But random ridiculous things just happen around me.

Seriously.

I don’t do anything to create the ridiculous.

It just happens.

It’s like the universe says, here. Here is some random ridiculous shit. Go forth and entertain the people with it.

So, yesterday was Rogue day.

And it’s time to start training for the Blue Ridge Double.

We met at Green Goat with the rest of the Blue Ridge Doublers.

But because Rogue is permanently inflicted with Greece Plague, we decided to do a shorter route than the others.

(I’m not even gonna say that that’s what you get. A foreign plague. That haunts you forever. That that’s what happens when you go on an epic adventure without me. I’m not even gonna say that…)

Ran up to the Star.

Then tried to remember the last time we were up there.

It’s been a minute.

We were gonna head over to Peakwood from there. But somehow we ended up in Sweet Donkey with waffles in front of us instead.

I don’t know how it happened. It just did.

We felt ok about our 9 1/2 road miles. And we’d planned to meet OT and GJB for Lews lunch.

So we said we finish our miles on North Mountain.

Had a few minutes to kill. So I stopped at a bookstore while I waited for everyone to reconvene.

Talked to bookstore dude about some of his recommendations.

They didn’t have what he suggested.

So he gave me a free book.

Who have you been talking to…?

I mean, I accepted it. Because free and book.

But still…

I haven’t started reading it yet. But it better make me feel better about my dateability percentage.

Met back up with Rogue. And OT. And GJB. And North Mountain Overlord.

The fellas rolled in on their bikes after venturing through most of southwest Virginia.

Knowing that Rogue and I were headed over to the world’s ugliest mountain, OT realized he’d have to go out for a loop today. In the rain. Before cycle. And Christmas.

I mean, we’ve done way worse shit before.

But North Mountain just isn’t how you should kick off a rainy Sunday.

“Why don’t y’all just go do Roanoke Mountain instead?”

Because freakin Newbie has caught up to Rogue. And she’s not about to let him take her third place spot.

Wait.

Fourth place spot.

OT has third.

I have second.

Just sayin…

So, when I’d explained to everyone that morning before Double training about how pleasant North Fucking Mountain can be if you just walk it, Tiny Brazilian and K-Rob-D had said, “We let you walk it!”

No.

No, that is not walking.

What you do is not walking.

Y’all make me power walk the up parts. And then you make me fucking run the flats and downhills.

That is not walking a mountain.

So when Rogue said we should try the walk the mountain approach. I wasn’t fooled. I knew.

And it was awful.

Luckily, I’d packed up my half a turkey sub from lunch and put it in my pack. For the fire road. To prepare me for Deer.

As we were approaching the bottom of Grouse, Rogue said, “you’re already eating that sandwich in your mind, aren’t you.”

Psht. I’ve already finished it three times since we hit the top of this bitch.

And when I was finally able to shove the real thing into my mouth, it was perfect.

Except.

Ok.

So back in Lews, Rogue had filled up her handheld with water.

And had asked me if I had water.

Yep.

And I did.

I had several bottles of water.

Of all shapes and sizes.

Just rolling around in my car.

GBFF knows.

So, when we got to North Mountain, I just grabbed the first one I saw.

12 ounces.

It was 12 ounces of water.

Not quite filled.

And it was hot as fuck out there.

Like, sweating through our tank tops and shorts hot.

So I realized, as I was trying to wash down my turkey sub, that I only had about two sips of water left.

And we still had about five miles to go.

With lots of climbing.

No. I know.

This shit has happened before.

I should learn.

Don’t look at me like that.

Because remember how Rogue filled up her handheld back at Lews?

Yeah. She didn’t.

She didn’t actually fill it up.

She actually only filled it about a 1/3 of the way.

Less than 12 ounces.

Yeah.

Who’s the dumbass now?

(I know. We both are.)

So we spent the last five miles fantasizing about what we’d get from the store once we got off this fucking mountain.

Luckily, we have some experience here. So we already knew exactly what we’d buy.

Gatorade. Popsicle. And a little glass bottle of Coke.

Found an excuse to stop halfway up Deer.

I guess. Maybe. That’s a view…

But we should probably analyze it for a while. As I stand here. Not moving. And trying to summon the last ounces of hydration in my body.

Damn I wish I hadn’t peed at the top of the mountain.

Because I’m a planner, I waited until we hit the ridgeline again. When I knew we only had about two miles left to go. Before taking my last sip.

Which I choked on. To the point of tears.

That shit didn’t even go into my body.

Right down the wind pipe until my body forced it back out.

We need that!

“Dude. You’re wasting precious body fluids with those tears. Stop that.”

Fuck!

I know!!

But we made it. Because we’re survivors.

Once we got back to our cars and over to the store. I jumped out and ran inside.

Collected my items.

Then realized that Rogue was still at her car.

What in fuck could be more important than hydration right now?

You’re fucking dying!

Go get liquids!!

“I can’t find my wallet…”

That fucking mountain…

So I dug through the mess that is her car. In a concerted best friend effort to help her find her wallet.

Which I did.

Find it.

Because I’m way better at being a helpful best friend than GBFF.

And so we hydrated.

So here I am. Sitting in bed. My warm, comfortable bed. With my coffee. Listening to rain outside. Trying to make myself feel bad that OT may or may not be out on that fucking mountain right now. All alone. Trying to regain second place. With me.

But I can’t.

Because my body is still talking about yesterday. And it’s not using its nice voice.

And because I have to enjoy this.

Because this is the only time in my life that I will ever ever get to be ahead of him in anything.

And I’m gonna talk about it always.

Pretty sure it’s gonna be my next tattoo.