Me (sharing a revelation I’d had the night before but GBFF is old so I had to wait until morning to share): I’m divergent.
GBFF (offering unquestioning agreement, as he has been trained to do): Of course you are.
GBFF (unable to maintain unquestioning agreement, because he is untrainable): What’s divergent?
So, a lot of weeks ago, GBFF…WHTBS was in my office. Talking about himself.
Not, like, obnoxiously the way I do.
Talking about himself.
And I realized that most of the shit he was describing was me.
I do that shit.
Which led to a nice little Step-Brothers moment.
“You’re a four.”
I’m sorry. I’m a what?
“You’re an Enneagram 4. Look it up. Except you don’t have to. That’s what you are. A four.”
I mean. I’ve never been called a four before. To my face. But ok.
But also I’m me. So obviously I looked it up.
Dramatic, self-absorbed, and temperamental.
But also, like, a bunch of really good stuff, too.
Dramatic. Fun. Potato. Potahto.
I’m a 4.
I mean, I never had any intentions of calling myself a 4 in public. But it’s true. That’s what I am. A 4.
But so is GBFF.
We’re, like, the same person.
Which explains the total comfort I have around him.
You’re like…that dude that I don’t have to even try to pretend to be a lady around. I can just be me. like, my gay best friend…who happens to be straight.
Which, ok. I have several dudes like that in my life.
GJB and OT have certainly seen and heard and smelled me at my worst.
We’re trail runners.
But GBFF is me.
It’s basically like hanging out and talking to myself.
And I am the most comfortable person I know.
And also fun.
I didn’t even realize.
Dude. Do you know how much fun I am to be around??
Like, I didn’t even realize how much y’all must enjoy my time until that moment.
(Side note: GJB is also one of us. Which will probably explain why he and GBFF enjoy each other so much. But I’m not gonna get jealous of that budding friendship at all. Yet.)
You’re all welcome.
For the time I give you with me.
So, a few weeks later, GBFF and I were hanging out at Big Lick after work.
So, what’s happening here is, I’m demonstrating what it’s like to come down Christmas Mountain. In the dark. When it’s leafy and wet.
I don’t remember the details.
But I maybe made some sort of comment about being really awesome because I can maneuver mountains so well. Or maybe something about being the best at being a 4. Or something.
I don’t know what exactly.
But whatever it was. I was best at it.
Which led GBFF to move my level.
You’re not a 4. You’re a 3. With 4 tendencies.
And he started reading to me.
“Self-assured, attractive, and charming.”
Holy shit! That’s me!!
“I’m not done. Let’s keep reading.”
Ok. But that’s obviously me…
It goes on from there.
Basically it says I’m awesome.
“That’s such a 3 thing to say.”
Hey. So, can you just not call me a 3 in front of people, though? Like, in front of dudes, specifically? Like, in front of dudes, maybe call me an 8? An 8 seems reasonable.
“But you’re not an 8.”
I could be an 8.
“It’s not a hierarchy. They’re not levels. You can’t level up.”
You don’t know what I can do.
“Such a 3 thing to say.”
And so I Googled.
Holy shit! That’s me! I’m an 8!
Hey, let’s call me a 9.
“You’re not a 9.”
(We were texting at this point. Several weeks later. Because my conversations will go on forever. So I couldn’t see him, but I could hear his exasperated voice. He’s such a 4.)
At this point, he yawned.
Which meant the conversation was over.
Because he’s older than me.
Like, significantly older.
And can’t hang for as long as I can.
So I continued to research on my own.
And that’s how I realized.
There I was. Alone in my living room. In the middle of 9 o’clock at night. And it hit me.
I am all of these numbers.
I’m fucking divergent!
And I kind of glanced around for someone to share this revelation with.
But I couldn’t share it with just anyone.
I needed to share this with GBFF.
But being the easy-going and agreeable 9 that I am, I waited until the next morning…
But you can’t tell people. They kill divergents, you know. Because we have all the powers. The world isn’t ready for us.
Except I’m obviously gonna have to blog about it. Because people need to know. Just how amazing I am.
Stop being such a 4, and share in the excitement of this revelation with me! Your very best friend in the whole wide world is divergent!
That is me.
So fucking divergent.
I should get a tattoo…