I’m not sure what day it is.
This is either the end of the first full week of quarantine. Or the second. Or maybe the 88th.
The cats have learned to open doors.
I assume in an attempt to escape me.
I’m not talking just nudging a door open with their nose.
Pumpkin has managed to jump up, grab hold of a door knob with both paws…, and turn that bitch.
She came up out of the basement last night as I was in the middle of a Stephen King novel.
That’s next level fear, y’all.
I damn near evacuated my home. Immediately. No questions asked. After that incident.
Dear lord just don’t let her figure out how to grip a knife.
Have you ever Googled “how to clean cat pee out of an air vent?”
It’s not promising.
My best option at this point seems to be to open up all of the windows and pray for warm weather.
Or burn the house down and start over.
With demon cat-proof door locks.
Worry has already set in about what it will look like to return to actual school.
It doesn’t look like that will happen until August.
Do you know what four and a half months of working from home will do to you?
I worked from home for years. And not once during those years did I wear real pants.
Had a virtual meeting with my bosses yesterday.
A virtual video meeting.
With 10 minutes’ notice.
Which was just enough time to find and put on a bra.
And I was really proud of myself for managing that.
But at the end of the meeting, I realized that my pants were hanging on the bannister right behind me…
And now I’m not sure if I explain to them. That I was wearing actual pants during the meeting. What they saw were the pants I took off halfway through the day before. Because I work from home. And fuck pants.
Or I just pretend it didn’t happen.
Which seems the less crazy choice.
Today I’m being sent out into the world to deliver food to the people.
And now I feel like I have to have a checklist. By my door.
- Keys (because I’m now certain that Pumpkin will lock the doors behind me. And as soon as she learns to grip a screwdriver, she’ll probably even change the locks.)
… I really need to go back to work…