This Isn’t Even Real Life

“Damn. I’ve always threatened to just walk the fuck out of class and drive away. But I’ve never actually done it…”

As we watched LL get into her car and back out of her garage.

“That’s kind of…badass…”

And it’s not like J-Vicious could yell at her.

We’re virtual right now. Like, this isn’t even real life.

Nothing seems to be real life anymore.

I woke up. Inexplicably. Around midnight the other night.

Picked up my phone.

And registered for the Jarman’s Invitational Marathon. Before I could stop myself…

Y’all remember last year?

29 miles.

7,610 ft of elevation gain. And loss. It’s the loss that hurts you.

Five loops of pure bullshit.

Starting at noon.

In August.

In Virginia.

I managed three loops last year.

So, I guess that’s why. That’s why my body registered me for another go at it. Before my brain could process what was happening.

Or vice versa.

Plus. I mean. It’s only a $5 entrance fee. “To help pay for the shitter.” You can’t really say no to that.

Also. It’s the only DNF on my record.

I can’t ignore that.

But y’all. After Promiseland a little over a week ago. I basically stopped moving.

One week. One week was all it took to throw on an extra lot of weight. I don’t know how much extra came during that particular week. But it was enough to make running challenging.

And running is already challenging.

Running is already basically bullshit.

Throw an extra 15 pounds on top and it becomes an entire shit show. A bullshit shit show.

So, I went to PlayFITStayFIT class last night. With a renewed focus. On getting back into running shape.

But when I saw LL peace out in her car. I was tempted. To peace out myself. And just go nap. And have beer. And tacos.

But then she got out of her car. And came back into her garage. For class.

Oh.

Ok.

No, so we’re really doing this.

Cool.

It was a partner workout.

We were all partners with J-Vicious.

Which sucks. Always.

But also? It sucks way less than when you have to be partners with him all by yourself. In real life.

At the end, LL reported that she didn’t skip the ab work at the end. Even though we couldn’t see her on camera.

“Yeah. I probably…No, I probably didn’t skip those either…”

And then I just sat back. And listened to LL and J-V bicker. Back and forth. Like old times.

If I closed my eyes, I could imagine myself at the gym. Right before heading to Starr Hill. For beer. And Moe’s tacos. Like we used to do. When the world wasn’t in next level crisis.

It was oddly reassuring. That whatever else happens. I will always have LL and J-V. Bickering. Over stupid shit.

And then beer and tacos.

Happy Cinco de Mayo.

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