Lost Words

“WTH!!! A Burr kills Hamilton?!!”

I feel like I shouldn’t have to spoiler alert that. Or emotionally prepare anyone for it.

He says right at the start of the show that he does it.

Plus, history…

When I was in high school, a friend and I went to see “The Doors” movie.

And as a very yummy Val Kilmer lay lifeless in a bathtub. My friend says out loud. In shock. “Is he dead?!?”

I mean…yeah…

But I get it.

Because my brain is all over the place right now.

Like, I keep losing words.

For real.

I go to look for them. So I can write them. Or use them in conversation. And they’re definitely not where I left them.

I can’t find my words.

And I love my words.

I love my words more than people.

I mean, I don’t love them more than all people.

I don’t love them more than my people.

Because my people see you pull into a parking lot. For a group trail run. And immediately shove a medicine ball at you. And make you throw it. And chase it down. And burpee. Repeatedly.

Which is exactly the kind of pre-run routine you need. To make sure you’re good and warmed up. Before a trail run. On a 90 degree day. With high humidity. On the side of a mountain. A small mountain. But still. A mountain.

It all hurts this morning.

Burpees are the devil.

Those are words I’ll probably never lose.

And my people let you have highly questionable conversations on the trail. The kind that aren’t meant for polite society. Which almost help to distract from the extreme discomfort of running in this weather.

Which is good. Because I don’t lose the highly questionable words. I always know where those are. I assume because I use them so much.

It’s just the other words. The societal words. The words that let me communicate off trail without alienating everyone. That I keep losing.

I’m going to say it’s because I’ve spent the month of July just cramming every form of information I can find into my brain.

In a desperate attempt to counteract all of the just absolute bullshit streaming through my newsfeeds.

This is has been my first summer off. Since childhood. Mostly. Aside from those other extra jobs I’m working. But they still don’t require me to leave my home.

So I have felt compelled to fill my non-running time with books and webinars and research and representative writing.

And while it’s helping to keep me from feeling entirely powerless.

It’s also adding more stuff in my brain that I have to dig through in order to find words.

And shit was already a mess in there to begin with. So…

My brain is just like one of those homes on “Hoarders.” Just filled with all kinds of random crap. So you can’t find anything. And if you walk around too much, there’s a good chance you’re gonna step in cat shit.

But it’s fine.

I get to go back to actual work next week.

So that my brain can rest.

Because I probably won’t have to use it working in a school this year. Right? It’s gonna just be a super simple breezy year in education. Right?

*sigh*

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