New Pandemic Greeting

Only five more weeks of school.

I refuse to count the sixth week.

Because I’m going to spend that one locked in my office. Pretending standardized testing. And truancy. And allll of the just really awful things our kids are experiencing. Are not actual things. Just gonna be staring off into the void. Until June 1st.

Injured myself reading yesterday morning.

I was just sitting comfortably in my bed. Reading a book. And as I lifted my cup of coffee to my mouth. The upper left quadrant of my back said, “Nope.” And just shot pain through everywhere.

(Didn’t spill the coffee, though. Because expert level.)

When I got to the office. I just stood there. Asking someone to please just punch me repeatedly. In the back, please. Not the face. I still need that. But just please punch me in the back.

Until someone did.

It didn’t help.

The knots just kept getting tighter.

And then started spreading.

Had to ride a school bus for an hour and a half to get to our regional meet yesterday afternoon.

Which was really just the perfect way to spread the knots over into other parts of my back.

You know that scene in the Matrix where the creepy matrix dudes transform into different bodies? And those little balls of whatever start moving around under their skin?

I think that’s probably what’s happening in my back.

The one and a half hour ride home was torture.

School buses are not made for human transportation.

Why do we hate our children?

And I got a massage last week.

A 90 minute deep tissue elbow digging massage. And she spent 90% of that time on my back. And lecturing me about how mean I am to my shoulders.

Well, you should hear the shit they say to me.

And whatever progress she made in loosening up whatever in fuck is happening back there. Has been shot all to hell.

I’m an ultra runner.

Shouldn’t I require massages to focus on my legs?

But no. I can’t even care about my legs when I can barely lift the coffee to my mouth.

Y’all. I can’t not have the coffee.

So for now I’m drinking with my right hand. Which feels all kinds of unnatural.

So my point is. I hope to see some of y’all tonight. When I go in to help break down the Blue Ridge Marathon Expo. And if I do see you, please. No hugs or handshakes or high fives. We don’t do those anymore anyway. Because Covid.

Just. One solid elbow just to the side of my right shoulder blade. If you could just. Just really get in there. I would like for that to please be our greeting from now on.

Only five more weeks of school…

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