Revolt on Lunges

“I’m medicated now!”

I yelled that. A little too gleefully. And loudly. And maybe even forcefully? At my boss today.

When he asked how I was doing.

“Fine and you?” would have probably been sufficient.

I’ve only been medicated about a week. So I don’t know that it’s much more than the placebo effect at this point.

And the re-up of my birth control getting my hormones back in check.

But I’m a much better person today than I was two weeks ago.

So what better way to test the limits of my newly reclaimed okayness than to go to PlayFITStayFIT. For leg day.

I do have this unshakable habit of arriving places early. Like, super early.

I blame my mother.

Legitimately.

That woman sets all clocks in her home for a different time. Each just a few minutes further ahead than the next.

You can go through three different time zones just by walking through her house.

But at no point will you be in a place that is the actual time it is anywhere on earth.

(I should probably write that one down for my therapist…)

So, I always end up at PlayFITStayFIT at least 30 minutes early.

And I like to spend that time in the solitude of my car. Responding to messages. Or reading. Or writing.

Being away from other humans.

Just enjoying the peace.

And I learned. Last week. That little J-Vicious will wander outside and scare the ever loving shit out of you. If he doesn’t have people in class to distract him.

But when I pulled in today. I saw a car beside me that definitely looked like a gym member’s car.

So I figured he had at least one person in class. To distract him.

He did not.

*sigh*

I really probably need to start taking my anxiety meds to class with me.

Except those anxiety meds. We gonna talk about those later. In another blog. Because I have feelings about those.

Anyway.

We’re all sitting there. The sisters of the gym revolution. Waiting for Fall Risk. And Super Sweet Lady. Who are both smart enough to not show up until the last damn minute.

And Mini Major is being absolutely adorable. (She takes after her beautiful mama.) And J-V somehow thinks this fact that this innocent child loves him somehow makes him some sort of really kind-hearted person.

But we’ve all met him, right?

And I try to tell him. That he can go on into the playroom with her. And be a good dad.

We absolutely got this workout.

We can self-supervise.

I’m just saying. I’m all about raising happy healthy children…

We are willing to sacrif-

“Alright let’s go!”

Fine.

I don’t know where West’s Sister was. But the rest of the sisterhood was there. Ready. For the next phase of the revolution.

So this bullshit.

I mean, it’s always some bullshit.

Today it was this bullshit.

Twelve days of Christmas bullshit.

You keep running through each exercise. Adding on the next one. Always circling back to the beginning. To those fucking lunges.

And yeah. Last time we openly revolted. Against J-V.

But tonight. Our revolt was more subtle. Quiet. Subversive.

Because halfway through the workout. J-V stepped outside…

And left Fall Risk in charge…

Huh.

Seems like a questionable call, but ok…

And someone sent me this.

And I don’t know about the “this is euphoria” zone. But we were all definitely living in the Oh god lunges zone.

Until J-V ceded power to Fall Risk.

And she walked over to the board and…

Huh. Well, I do like that workout much better.

But honestly. By the time Fall Risk had wrested control from J-V. And fixed the whole lunge situation. I’d already run through several rounds of lunges. And hamstrings. And pulse lunges.

It’s possible I skipped over the reverse lunges. But in fairness. I can barely manage forward lunges. Or even stationary lunges. Without tipping over.

I definitely don’t have reverse lunges in my skill set.

But it’s fine.

My punishment for skipping reverse lunges. Was trying to do single leg hip thrusters. After six rounds of hamstring curls.

I got five reps in before my hamstring said, “ohhh girl. I’m bout to just let go of everything back here if you do that one more time.” Nope. Definitely not gonna do anymore of those.

There’s gonna be some pain tomorrow.

I’m a little concerned about my Ironman volunteer shift. And having to walk in front of strangers. After 5,000,000 hamstring curls.

But I’m not really known for my social skills anyway.

I’ll just tell them I’m medicated now.

Excitedly. And way too forcefully.

Should be a peaceful day of no one trying to interact with me.

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