How My Gyms Are Failing Me

“Ok! Here’s the workout! Sunshine! Put your phone down!”

It’s work. I need to respond to this.

“Put it down. Now.”

Just. I just have to answer this question for them real quick.

“Do any of your other five gyms let you use your phone during workouts?”

I mean, I sit the phone right beside the punching bag so I can see it.

But it’s also only a 30 minute workout. And I’m too busy punching things to notice my phone.

“It sounds like she’s saying you need to make her do more, J-Vicious.”

…really, LL?

This is what we’re doing now?

And that’s how LL decided on the next PlayFITStayFIT shirt idea. ‘I’m sorry for the things I said when I was trying to distract J-Vicious away from me.’

Or something like that.

It was honestly too much for my overtaxed brain to remember.

She should understand. Hell, they should all understand. We all work in education.

And if you thought education stopped being chaos when the school year ended. Then congratulations. You’ve successfully managed to not work summer school.

Spent the day testing students yesterday.

Without snacks.

But with plenty of water.

So that, after four hours of holding it, and low level starvation, I went running into the bathroom.

That has been waxed with…something…I’m gonna guess it was something Bezos is working on to create ice skating rinks in near space when he goes.

Anyway. I went running in there. And the moment my smooth bottom lady shoes made contact with the floor. I went sliding. Not ungracefully. And hurtled straight into the wall. On the other side.

And I didn’t impact straight on. Where I could use my arms to absorb the momentum. But kind of twisted around. A fancy little half twist. Mid-slide. And impacted kind of on my right back side.

The one time I’d advocate for cameras in bathrooms. Because I’m certain that shit looked phenomenal. Graceful and athletic as fuck.

Didn’t pee my panties, either.

So that feels like a win.

It also feels very symbolic of what summer school has been like.

Just wildly out of control. But also somehow we’re managing to get shit done…

So anyway.

By the time I got to PlayFITStayFIT. I’d forgotten about my bathroom wall impact.

And couldn’t figure out why my back hurt.

“Sunshine start with band slides. 25 laps.”

A lap is just down once?

“A lap is down and back. You know this.”

Clearly I don’t.

Also, I haven’t eaten yet today.

I’m pretty sure I’m gonna vomit.

Oh, let’s get pizza!

Oh, nope. No, I’m definitely gonna dry heave.

I can’t fucking breath.

“Maybe if you’d stop talking, you could breath.”

Talking is my coping skill right now. Fuck. Are we done yet?

“You’ve done 3. How can you run 77 miles up a mountain, but two minutes of band slides is killing you?”

First of all, I can’t run 77 miles up a mountain. But also. When we do shit like that. They give us food every few miles.

Ohhhhh, do you have snacks??

Oh. Wait. No. No, that burp was the pre-cursor to the vomit. That was a warning shot. It’s coming.

“With all of the gyms you’re going to, you should be in better shape.”

You’d think so, wouldn’t you…

“Clearly all of your gyms are failing you.”

Clearly.

“Sunshine. What. Are. You. Doing.”

I’m doing the best I can!!

My back hurts. Why does my back hurt doing squats???

So, that’s why. As I was messaging with Fall Risk last night. About Utah vacation accommodations. I told her with the views we were in for, I’d sleep on the fucking ground…and I said this…as I was lying on an ice pack trying to make my back stop hurting…

*sigh*

Today’s the last day of summer school.

And I’m torn between spending the next two weeks pretending I won’t be walking back into the chaos that is education in August. Or preparing myself for what I will be walking back into.

I feel like it needs to be the first one.

And maybe all of my gyms will step up their game and actually get me in shape for it.

For now, I’ve gotta figure out how to secure this ice pack to my back and find grippy shoes to wear to work today.

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