A New Home

Slept for ten hours last night.

I did wake up around midnight. Mostly because my body is used to waking up around midnight.

Because that’s when people break up.

But last night. I slept in my new house.

Whoa.

It’s a little anxiety-inducing to say that.

Because it’s all now my responsibility.

But not as anxiety-inducing as the last month and a half have been. Throughout this home buying process. Which is, quite literally, the worst process on the entire planet.

And when my anxiety is that high. And super focused on a thing. My brain really struggles to acknowledge anything else.

Like the idea that I have a 50k next weekend. And I haven’t run in…*checks Strava*…one entire month.

And I haven’t run more than a mile in…a month and a half.

I’m not even gonna look for the last time I put in double digit mileage. I probably don’t want to know.

Because my plan. Was to move next weekend. And have a plausible excuse to back out. Of the 50k.

But Rogue. Who has run slightly more than my nothing, but only slightly, over this last month, said, “Oh no. Misery needs her company.”

And so she pulled together a group of superheros. To move all my stuff this weekend.

Freeing me up for the 50k next weekend.

No, no. That’s…sweet…

Apparently when she told the group that she wanted to move me less than a day after closing. Skratch, as though he’d never met me, suggested I might need a few days to clean first.

And everybody laughed and laughed…

So they showed up. Rogue. And Skratch. And GJB. And Tiny Brazilian. And Finn’s Dad. And even Goatfinder. Who hopefully found her way to her next location. After being in this brand new place. Because she is me.

And as they all arrived. Skratch asked me if I had a plan for how I wanted to move everything.

Seriously, y’all. He really likes to pretend that I’m a brand new person that he’s never met.

And here’s what’s gonna happen with this particular group in the moving process.

GJB is going to spend the first 42 minutes in the bathroom. “Changing clothes.” So he doesn’t have to carry anything.

Tiny Brazilian is gonna get way more excited about the tiny ass apartment you’re leaving than about the $170,000 house you just bought.

She’ll also just pick up heavy shit and start carrying it. Assuming someone’s gonna jump in and pick up the other end of it and follow her.

Which…I mean, obviously we do. So…

Finn’s Dad is gonna keep losing his fucking coffee mug everywhere. So everyone has to wait an extra ten minutes before loading and unloading. While we find it. Again.

Rogue is gonna walk around knocking on walls. Using words like sheet rock. And plaster. And assessing the architecture of the surrounding homes.

Goatfinder is gonna probably have questions. About how to get from one location. A half a mile across the road to the other. (Again. No judgement. Because…my brain understands this.)

And Skratch is probably gonna respond to those questions with words like North and shit.

When we decided that my regular box spring was not gonna make it upstairs. To my bedroom. Where I was perfectly content laying my mattress right on the floor.

Rogue refused that idea. And gifted me her split box spring. That was chillin in her basement. So that I could sleep on a real bed. Like a freaking adult.

So I rode with Skratch to go pick them up.

And he asked if I knew a back way to my house. That didn’t involve 460. Because he didn’t think the box springs would like going 70 mph…

Ummmm…ok, so you know the speed limit on 460 is, like, 55, right? Maybe even only 45.

There is nowhere in Roanoke that the speed limit is 70.

“Ok, but do you know a way?”

Well, yeah. But the speed limit is 35 that way. Do you think the box springs will be ok going 50?

And I guess he thought they would.

And so he trusted me to navigate. Through an entire city.

And then we got to a stop sign.

You’re gonna go right here.

“Yeah, I thought East was probably the direction we were gonna head.”

….yeah…East…I would’ve said East. I just wasn’t sure if you’d know which way East was. Because I obviously knew…

And then we got to a stoplight. And because it seemed like we were gonna be heading back in the other direction. I took a shot. And just with all the confidence in the world. Said, and you’re gonna go west at the light.

“…”

When he’s quiet like that. He’s trying to decide how to tell me I’m saying words that aren’t even close to real life.

“…so I’m pretty sure you want me to go left…which is probably north…”

Whatever dude. I’m still trying to figure out how you trusted me to get you here.

The box springs made it. They were fine with 50 mph.

And now here I am.

Sipping my coffee. In my new home. Just staring at this…

I probably should have cleaned first…

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