I just walked into a wall.
Now, I’mma be real. This is not an unusual occurrence for me.
This morning I walked into the same set of lockers. Three times. In a row…
Like, I was helping a student find his homeroom. Then backed up into a set of lockers. Then realized I’d misjudged my position in relation to the lockers. So I adjusted, and backed up again. Into the lockers. Again. I tried one more time. Nope. That’s still lockers behind me.
So I turned around and walked the one and a half steps back to my corner. Successfully moving around the lockers.
Luckily, the children don’t pay attention to me this time of year. I’m standardized testing. I don’t really exist until April. So no one noticed.
But tonight. When I got home. I walked straight into a wall. In my home. Where I live. Where the walls have been in the same exact place for the last 12 years.
There was no legitimate reason for me to walk straight into a wall I’ve know for over 12 years.
That is how J-Vicious makes me do wall sits.
Three minutes, y’all.
And that was three minutes on top of the full minute I struggled to pull the bag up onto my lap.
I’ve told y’all about this before.
And I knew it was coming. Because when I walked in halfway through the 4pm class, J-Vicious was sitting on the wall holding this damn heavy bag in his lap.
So, I knew.
And normally, I’d try to just pick up a normal 20 lb ball. And hope I could get through the whole three minutes before he noticed.
But I’d already been lectured by LL. About the importance of making good choices. And cheaters never winning. After I’d tried to go with a 10lb weight for my third round of hamstring curls.
And J-Vicious saw. And switched it out for a 20. And then pushed my feet down for added resistance. And LL was all, “cheaters never win…blah blah blah.”
And I didn’t even try to punch her when she said it a second time. And implied that I am slow.
“Well, it seems like there’s a learning curve here, so I feel the need to repeat it.”
It’s cool. She stopped being all judgy when it was her turn to do the sideways band walky things.
About halfway through that wall sit, I invited B-Major to squat with me. Share the bag. Distribute the workload. Because #leosunite and all.
Apparently that hashtag has a limit.
We ended the class with 100 weighted pop squats. Which was super fun. After a three minute heavy bag weighted wall sit.
And this is why I am temporarily incapable of maneuvering around walls or controlling my trajectory.
I hope it’s temporary.
To that end, tonight will be filled with stretching and foam rolling and the freaking finale of Handmaid’s Tale. Which is probably just gonna upset me.
If it gets too bad, I’ll just watch the video of the birthday rap I performed for Fall Risk tonight. For the 60th time. Because I’ve got mad skillz.